Sarah Palin Matters

Some people are questioning the value of devoting all this energy to writing about the Palin Doctrine. After all, even if John McCain and Sarah Palin win the election, she’ll only be vice president. Which, Dick Cheney aside, isn’t really much of a position.

These people are forgetting something very important: John McCain’s health.

John McCain is 72. According to Social Security, he has a 1 in 7 chance of dying in the next four years. But his odds are actually worse, because McCain isn't one of the normal 72 year old American men in the actuarial tables: he's a former POW and cancer patient.

It’s not fair, but former Vietnam POWs continue to suffer from the malnutrition and abuse they experienced, and are dying off at a greater rate than the other men in their age group.

In the past, John McCain has responded to concerns about his health by pointing to his mother’s longevity. However, the men in his family haven’t fared nearly as well. John McCain’s father died of a heart attack at age 70. And his father’s father died of a heart attack at age 61.

Add on top of that the fact that he’s already had cancer, and has a greater likelihood of developing cancer again, and the prognosis is not good.

While there is a chance that John McCain will survive the next four years with no health problems, there is a significant probability that people who vote for McCain are electing Sarah Palin to be President.

A word from Sarah Palin

Hi. I’m Sarah Palin.
I just visited the UN. That makes me America’s most experienced diplomat.

The Don’t Blink Surge

Despite our best efforts not to blink, the nation’s economic crisis continues. It was a good plan, but there was a problem in the execution.

So what went wrong?

Too many people blinked.
John McCain for one. (As Sarah Palin’s running mate, you’d think he would be more supportive. But I’m sure tonight’s debate will be worth the extra period of economic crisis.)

Should we try again?

Well, as the McCain/Palin ticket is quick to remind us, if something doesn’t work, keep doing it, even if it takes more than eight years.

What we need is a surge of non-blinkers.

Mark your calendars, set up your Outlook reminders and alarms, and tell everyone:
The Don’t Blink Surge will begin on Tuesday, September 30 at 7pm Pacific Time (10pm Eastern Time).

Note: This time occurs after sunset on the West coast, so Muslims celebrating Ramadan and Jews celebrating Rosh Hashanah should be able to participate.

Together we can turn this economy around. All we need to do is keep our eyes open.

Mission Accomplished?

Hmm…I guess it didn’t work.
Anyone have eyedrops?

Save the economy: Don’t blink on Friday

The economy is in trouble, and it’s time we the American people pitched in and helped out.

The solution is simple, and it doesn’t need to cost taxpayers $700 billion:

On Friday, September 26 at 5pm Eastern time (2pm Pacific), everyone in the country should stop blinking.

Together we can make a difference.

Pass it on.
Tell everyone.
There’s no time to waste.

A solution to the current economic crisis

The economy is a disaster.
What do we do? How do we solve things? What’s the best way to keep this country going?

Clearly there is one answer:
Everyone in this country needs to stop blinking.

The Fifth Tenet of the Palin Doctrine

Act before you have time to think.

If we’ve learned anything during the past eight years, it’s that important decisions can go horribly wrong when they’re made after too much thoughtful deliberation. Iraq. Katrina. The deregulation of the financial industry. Clearly the products of too much careful consideration.

This is why the Palin Doctrine is such a breath of fresh air. Sarah Palin makes important decisions without blinking. There is no time wasted thinking things over, weighing the options. When you’re committed to the mission, you can’t blink, you just need to act on instinct.

Fortunately for us, Sarah Palin has excellent instincts.
Either that or an ophthalmologic condition.

The Fourth Tenet of the Palin Doctrine

John McCain’s lawyers have sued to keep us from revealing the Fourth Tenet until after the November election.

A word from Sarah Palin

Hi. I’m Sarah Palin. There is an oil pipeline in Alaska. That makes me America’s foremost energy expert.


Oh, wait. She really is saying that.

Airline Passengers adopt the Palin Doctrine

The Coalition of Airline Passengers released a statement today calling for the nation’s airlines to hire more pilots who graduated at the bottom of their classes.

The Coalition feels that passengers are not able to relate to overachieving, extremely competent pilots, and decries the industry’s elitist hiring practices.

After hearing the news, the McCain campaign reminded the media that John McCain finished 894th out of 899 students at Annapolis, and really only graduated from flight school because his father was an admiral who was able to pull strings.