Getting tried of this election? Feel like a drink?
Then try a Hockey Mom – a brand new drink a few friends and I invented. (It’s a pit bull with lipstick).
Here’s the recipe:
Ingredients:
Vodka
Pit Bull energy drink
Red Kool-Aid powder
Dip the rim of a cocktail glass into the red kool-aid powder.
Combine two parts Pit Bull to one part vodka (or, to taste). Shake with ice. Pour into cocktail glass.
Enjoy.
It’s almost over (hopefully). Remember to vote on Tuesday, November 4.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Palin Doctrine Ends the War on Terror
This past week, Sarah Palin said that New York and Washington, DC are not part of real America.
If New York and DC are not a part of real America, then America was not attacked on 9/11. And if America was not attacked, then there is no need to continue the War on Terror.
Mission Accomplished!
It’s just that easy.
If New York and DC are not a part of real America, then America was not attacked on 9/11. And if America was not attacked, then there is no need to continue the War on Terror.
Mission Accomplished!
It’s just that easy.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Corollary to the First Tenet of the Palin Doctrine
Deep, meaningful relationships can be created out of brief, unimportant encounters.
Barack Obama once served on the board of a nonprofit foundation with Bill Ayres. The two men also live in the same Chicago neighborhood. Clearly they are best friends for life.
In the past, people who confused a casual acquaintanceship for a serious relationship would be diagnosed with a form of erotomanic delusion. Think Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. But thanks to the Palin Doctrine, these thought processes are no longer relegated to criminally insane stalkers.
Now we can all have much richer lives.
For example, I once passed Pamela Anderson on the sidewalk. She smiled, said hello, and continued on her way. It really isn’t much of a story. Or at least it wasn’t until I learned about this tenet of the Palin Doctrine. Now I know that I really had a passionate relationship with Ms. Anderson.
My friends sure will be jealous.
Barack Obama once served on the board of a nonprofit foundation with Bill Ayres. The two men also live in the same Chicago neighborhood. Clearly they are best friends for life.
In the past, people who confused a casual acquaintanceship for a serious relationship would be diagnosed with a form of erotomanic delusion. Think Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. But thanks to the Palin Doctrine, these thought processes are no longer relegated to criminally insane stalkers.
Now we can all have much richer lives.
For example, I once passed Pamela Anderson on the sidewalk. She smiled, said hello, and continued on her way. It really isn’t much of a story. Or at least it wasn’t until I learned about this tenet of the Palin Doctrine. Now I know that I really had a passionate relationship with Ms. Anderson.
My friends sure will be jealous.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
A word from our readers
Josh T. from Los Angeles, CA writes:
I once stood in line at the grocery store behind Wilt Chamberlain. Therefore I’ve had sex with 20,000 women. And can dunk.
I once stood in line at the grocery store behind Wilt Chamberlain. Therefore I’ve had sex with 20,000 women. And can dunk.
The Palin Doctrine is Back
We temporarily suspended our work on The Palin Doctrine to focus on the economy.
Everything’s better now, right?
Everything’s better now, right?
Monday, October 6, 2008
Corollary to the Second Tenet of the Palin Doctrine
Science is deniable.
There is overwhelming scientific evidence that global warming is the result of human activity. Sarah Palin disagrees.
There is scientific certainty that life on Earth began billions of years ago and developed through the process of evolution. Sarah Palin disagrees, and says the Earth is only six thousand years old, and dinosaurs used to live among mankind.
The consensus of the scientific community does not matter because under the Palin Doctrine science is deniable. But the fun doesn’t stop there.
If science is deniable, then gravity is deniable. And if gravity is deniable, well that just leads us to one conclusion: Sarah Palin can fly.
No wonder she tried to sell that plane on eBay.
There is overwhelming scientific evidence that global warming is the result of human activity. Sarah Palin disagrees.
There is scientific certainty that life on Earth began billions of years ago and developed through the process of evolution. Sarah Palin disagrees, and says the Earth is only six thousand years old, and dinosaurs used to live among mankind.
The consensus of the scientific community does not matter because under the Palin Doctrine science is deniable. But the fun doesn’t stop there.
If science is deniable, then gravity is deniable. And if gravity is deniable, well that just leads us to one conclusion: Sarah Palin can fly.
No wonder she tried to sell that plane on eBay.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
A Word from Sarah Palin
Hi. I’m Sarah Palin.
I just spent a couple hours on the Washington University in St. Louis campus. Now all those concerns about my educational qualifications have been laid to rest.
I just spent a couple hours on the Washington University in St. Louis campus. Now all those concerns about my educational qualifications have been laid to rest.
Friday, October 3, 2008
The Debate
We congratulate Sarah Palin on successfully implementing the Third Tenet of the Palin Doctrine in last night’s debate.
During the past few weeks, Palin skillfully lowered the bar to the point where most viewers were expecting a train wreck freakshow.
Palin’s debate performance was not brilliant. It wasn’t even particularly good. However, when compared to the diminished expectations she so brilliantly established, her performance was an act of oratory worthy of Daniel Webster.
Well done Sarah. Keep clearing those low hurdles.
During the past few weeks, Palin skillfully lowered the bar to the point where most viewers were expecting a train wreck freakshow.
Palin’s debate performance was not brilliant. It wasn’t even particularly good. However, when compared to the diminished expectations she so brilliantly established, her performance was an act of oratory worthy of Daniel Webster.
Well done Sarah. Keep clearing those low hurdles.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
The Palin Doctrine and College Admissions
Today stunned admissions officers from Georgetown University’s School of Foreign Service announced that applications are down for the first time in over 15 years.
Evidently, after learning about the Palin Doctrine, the nation’s top students have decided that their tuition dollars are better spent on a backpack and a Eurail pass.
To get the most foreign policy experience for their time and money, students don’t plan to disembark the train. After all, who needs college when you can get a window seat?
Evidently, after learning about the Palin Doctrine, the nation’s top students have decided that their tuition dollars are better spent on a backpack and a Eurail pass.
To get the most foreign policy experience for their time and money, students don’t plan to disembark the train. After all, who needs college when you can get a window seat?
Monday, September 29, 2008
A word from Sarah Palin
Hi. I’m Sarah Palin.
I live near a Dunkin’ Donuts. That makes me a breakfast pastry.
I live near a Dunkin’ Donuts. That makes me a breakfast pastry.
Sarah Palin Matters
Some people are questioning the value of devoting all this energy to writing about the Palin Doctrine. After all, even if John McCain and Sarah Palin win the election, she’ll only be vice president. Which, Dick Cheney aside, isn’t really much of a position.
These people are forgetting something very important: John McCain’s health.
John McCain is 72. According to Social Security, he has a 1 in 7 chance of dying in the next four years. But his odds are actually worse, because McCain isn't one of the normal 72 year old American men in the actuarial tables: he's a former POW and cancer patient.
It’s not fair, but former Vietnam POWs continue to suffer from the malnutrition and abuse they experienced, and are dying off at a greater rate than the other men in their age group.
In the past, John McCain has responded to concerns about his health by pointing to his mother’s longevity. However, the men in his family haven’t fared nearly as well. John McCain’s father died of a heart attack at age 70. And his father’s father died of a heart attack at age 61.
Add on top of that the fact that he’s already had cancer, and has a greater likelihood of developing cancer again, and the prognosis is not good.
While there is a chance that John McCain will survive the next four years with no health problems, there is a significant probability that people who vote for McCain are electing Sarah Palin to be President.
These people are forgetting something very important: John McCain’s health.
John McCain is 72. According to Social Security, he has a 1 in 7 chance of dying in the next four years. But his odds are actually worse, because McCain isn't one of the normal 72 year old American men in the actuarial tables: he's a former POW and cancer patient.
It’s not fair, but former Vietnam POWs continue to suffer from the malnutrition and abuse they experienced, and are dying off at a greater rate than the other men in their age group.
In the past, John McCain has responded to concerns about his health by pointing to his mother’s longevity. However, the men in his family haven’t fared nearly as well. John McCain’s father died of a heart attack at age 70. And his father’s father died of a heart attack at age 61.
Add on top of that the fact that he’s already had cancer, and has a greater likelihood of developing cancer again, and the prognosis is not good.
While there is a chance that John McCain will survive the next four years with no health problems, there is a significant probability that people who vote for McCain are electing Sarah Palin to be President.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
A word from Sarah Palin
Hi. I’m Sarah Palin.
I just visited the UN. That makes me America’s most experienced diplomat.
I just visited the UN. That makes me America’s most experienced diplomat.
Friday, September 26, 2008
The Don’t Blink Surge
Despite our best efforts not to blink, the nation’s economic crisis continues. It was a good plan, but there was a problem in the execution.
So what went wrong?
Too many people blinked.
John McCain for one. (As Sarah Palin’s running mate, you’d think he would be more supportive. But I’m sure tonight’s debate will be worth the extra period of economic crisis.)
Should we try again?
Well, as the McCain/Palin ticket is quick to remind us, if something doesn’t work, keep doing it, even if it takes more than eight years.
What we need is a surge of non-blinkers.
Mark your calendars, set up your Outlook reminders and alarms, and tell everyone:
The Don’t Blink Surge will begin on Tuesday, September 30 at 7pm Pacific Time (10pm Eastern Time).
Note: This time occurs after sunset on the West coast, so Muslims celebrating Ramadan and Jews celebrating Rosh Hashanah should be able to participate.
Together we can turn this economy around. All we need to do is keep our eyes open.
So what went wrong?
Too many people blinked.
John McCain for one. (As Sarah Palin’s running mate, you’d think he would be more supportive. But I’m sure tonight’s debate will be worth the extra period of economic crisis.)
Should we try again?
Well, as the McCain/Palin ticket is quick to remind us, if something doesn’t work, keep doing it, even if it takes more than eight years.
What we need is a surge of non-blinkers.
Mark your calendars, set up your Outlook reminders and alarms, and tell everyone:
The Don’t Blink Surge will begin on Tuesday, September 30 at 7pm Pacific Time (10pm Eastern Time).
Note: This time occurs after sunset on the West coast, so Muslims celebrating Ramadan and Jews celebrating Rosh Hashanah should be able to participate.
Together we can turn this economy around. All we need to do is keep our eyes open.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Save the economy: Don’t blink on Friday
The economy is in trouble, and it’s time we the American people pitched in and helped out.
The solution is simple, and it doesn’t need to cost taxpayers $700 billion:
On Friday, September 26 at 5pm Eastern time (2pm Pacific), everyone in the country should stop blinking.
Together we can make a difference.
Pass it on.
Tell everyone.
There’s no time to waste.
The solution is simple, and it doesn’t need to cost taxpayers $700 billion:
On Friday, September 26 at 5pm Eastern time (2pm Pacific), everyone in the country should stop blinking.
Together we can make a difference.
Pass it on.
Tell everyone.
There’s no time to waste.
A solution to the current economic crisis
The economy is a disaster.
What do we do? How do we solve things? What’s the best way to keep this country going?
Clearly there is one answer:
Everyone in this country needs to stop blinking.
What do we do? How do we solve things? What’s the best way to keep this country going?
Clearly there is one answer:
Everyone in this country needs to stop blinking.
The Fifth Tenet of the Palin Doctrine
Act before you have time to think.
If we’ve learned anything during the past eight years, it’s that important decisions can go horribly wrong when they’re made after too much thoughtful deliberation. Iraq. Katrina. The deregulation of the financial industry. Clearly the products of too much careful consideration.
This is why the Palin Doctrine is such a breath of fresh air. Sarah Palin makes important decisions without blinking. There is no time wasted thinking things over, weighing the options. When you’re committed to the mission, you can’t blink, you just need to act on instinct.
Fortunately for us, Sarah Palin has excellent instincts.
Either that or an ophthalmologic condition.
If we’ve learned anything during the past eight years, it’s that important decisions can go horribly wrong when they’re made after too much thoughtful deliberation. Iraq. Katrina. The deregulation of the financial industry. Clearly the products of too much careful consideration.
This is why the Palin Doctrine is such a breath of fresh air. Sarah Palin makes important decisions without blinking. There is no time wasted thinking things over, weighing the options. When you’re committed to the mission, you can’t blink, you just need to act on instinct.
Fortunately for us, Sarah Palin has excellent instincts.
Either that or an ophthalmologic condition.
The Fourth Tenet of the Palin Doctrine
John McCain’s lawyers have sued to keep us from revealing the Fourth Tenet until after the November election.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
A word from Sarah Palin
Hi. I’m Sarah Palin. There is an oil pipeline in Alaska. That makes me America’s foremost energy expert.
Oh, wait. She really is saying that.
Oh, wait. She really is saying that.
Airline Passengers adopt the Palin Doctrine
The Coalition of Airline Passengers released a statement today calling for the nation’s airlines to hire more pilots who graduated at the bottom of their classes.
The Coalition feels that passengers are not able to relate to overachieving, extremely competent pilots, and decries the industry’s elitist hiring practices.
After hearing the news, the McCain campaign reminded the media that John McCain finished 894th out of 899 students at Annapolis, and really only graduated from flight school because his father was an admiral who was able to pull strings.
The Coalition feels that passengers are not able to relate to overachieving, extremely competent pilots, and decries the industry’s elitist hiring practices.
After hearing the news, the McCain campaign reminded the media that John McCain finished 894th out of 899 students at Annapolis, and really only graduated from flight school because his father was an admiral who was able to pull strings.
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